Tavis Harts

Long time sense I updated journals.

Good news is that I got that job.

Now of course sense I'm learning more CSS I'm going to town on profiles and everything.

Currently my livejournal got a makeover as you can see. I'm hoping to have my insanejournal look like it soon. Sadly my insanejournal will not accept the CSS code I put into it. >.<

Also my gaia profile is getting a bit of a workout. http://www.gaiaonline.com/profiles/33658
I need to go back through and edit some of the code. There's a few areas that are being problematic and it's due to how I phrased some of the code in a few areas. <.< I'm not sure what I plan to do for the speech bubbles. Any ideas there?

I really need to get back to drawing. I have a few pictures lined up, I just need to get to coloring them.

Ok... decided to order chinese food to go today because Clint’s car is down for the count.

So we ordered from Chef Cao’s II. Food was pretty good, it’s killing Clint at the moment however.

Of course we got fortune cookies after dinner. Yay for fortune cookies. I used to have a page dedicated to the ones I got… Well after these cookies I may have to bring that page back to life.

Mine:
“Your luck is just not there. Attend to practical matters today.”
Learn Chinese: Thank you: Xia Xai ne. Lucky numbers: 48,27,39,10,37,5

Clint’s:
“There may be a crisis looming, be ready for it.”
Learn Chinese: convenience: fong bien. Lucky numbers: 14,5,27,39,45,22

The fuck….?

Well… Titles like this never start well do they?

I got the shock of my life several weeks ago when I discovered a breast lump.
At first they thought it was a cyst but then discovered that it was a solid mass with and ultrasound.

Isn’t that just fun? Nothing like having the though of “cancer” stare you in the face right after your father died from it.

Needless to say I was a wreck for a bit and my mom probably wasn’t doing too well either. They mentioned that it could be benign (and most likely was) so they actually asked me if I wanted to leave it in. The answer to that was an astounding “no.” Both me and mom didn’t really want to chance it. I actually wavered a bit on the idea just because I didn’t like the idea of surgery.

Surgery went well and I did get the results back. It was a tumor but a non-cancerous one like suspected. It was about 2cm round and was strangely rubbery.

Ah well… at least it is gone and I don’t have to worry about it anymore.

This event did spawn this image http://tavisharts.kamiki.net/original/webpages/techno.htm
It’s sort of an odd leap but I actually figured out why the image came to me right before the surgery after I was done coloring it.

Well… A lot has happened as you might have suspected.

Dad finally died. I blame hospice of all things for a lot of his suffering and death. :/ In the end they actually tried to shoo my mom and I out of the room so that we couldn’t even give him water. Poor dad was actually going insane from dehydration.

I guess the worst part was when they decided to pull a bullshit lie on the two of us (mom and myself). “no no.. it’s ok… after a certain point in dehydration you actually start to feel better.” Let me make this point clear, that’s a lie. Whoever came up with that is a moron. After seeing and reading far too many accounts of people stranded at sea I can say with absolute certainty that NONE of them reported a feeling of ecstasy during those trips.

How the previous part came to be where dad just did the dramatic drop in health is pretty interesting. He was allergic to morphine, the day his health declined was the day we gave him morphine from hospice. It was almost funny that they yelled at us for stopping the morphine when we put two and two together. Took a few days for them to realize as well that it was the morphine that caused all this.

And then there was denying us the IV. That was just low for them. He couldn’t drink, he was dehydrated and we were trying to make sure that if he was going to die it WASN’T going to be because of hospice decided to euthanize him. Took us a little over a week to get it (meanwhile dad was drinking from a spoon). The main nurse actually put a block to keep us from getting the IV and constantly talked around dad and about his slow dieing like he was a vegetable (despite the fact that he would actually make full sentences from time to time). Mom actually found the workaround and got ahold of the bag. The deal was done when dad himself said “yes” to wanting the IV in front of the nurse.

Night of the IV: also known as the night dad actually slept peacefully for the first time in weeks.

Sadly it seems like the IV came too late or perhaps the morphine and cancer finally won. He did die a few days later.

It was a nice funeral. Dad was a mason so they participated as well and dad got an army salute for his days served in korea.

I suppose the few things that make me feel better is the fact that he is no longer suffering and we actually made sure that his last days were actually peaceful once we got the IV.

Sleep well dad.

As many of you might know my dad was diagnosed with cancer 3 years ago. It’s been an uphill battle and so far we have been loosing. It moved to his lungs and just recently broke the blood brain barrier. The brain tumor was one of our few victories in this war, but I don’t think it will help too much. (No brain damage or sign that it’s growing back)

It has spread to other parts. One is now growing in the bone of his pelvis and three or more are in his lungs. When I came in December my dad was still doing somewhat well, the chemo hadn’t fully knocked him down and he was able to move short distances with a walker. The main difference I noticed was that his hair had finally left after a major dose of radiation. During the few weeks I went back to college station things changed. The chemo took full effect and kept dad from even standing. He has to be moved everywhere in a wheelchair and even short distances of moving him from the wheelchair to another chair is a major event that takes most of his energy.

Sadly, even though the chemo was quite efficient at killing dad it had no effect on the tumors. They continued to grow.

On January 15, 2007 he was declared terminal.

The doctors felt that there was nothing else to be done. The chemo was no longer effective against the tumors and was doing far more harm than good. We were then told that it would be better to go onto Hospice.

Hospice is both a good and a bad thing. The good thing is that we have nurses on call that can come be with him, help give him meds and take care of him. The bad part is that any aggressive treatment to heal things that aren’t even connected with the cancer has to stop (Like if we find another clot in his leg). The nurses aren’t even allowed to do CPR if they see that the patient is dieing. Their entire job is to see to it that the patient is comfortable until they die. That would be the bad side.

In the past few days they have been both a blessing and an aggravation to me. When I first came home a little over a week ago dad was seeing hallucinations. Most had gone away but he was seeing the cats wherever he went. Apparently one of the medicines he was taking caused rather bad apparitions. One such occurrence he sat in his chair in horror as the walls sprouted a thick coat of fur. After that about on Thursday of last week he started to experience a LOT of pain. So much so that we have had to call out the nurses from hospice several times. It started off as just his ankles and knee hurting (understandable, they were swollen beyond belief).

They gave us some morphine (a light amount) and it doesn’t seem to do too much. The most it seems to accomplish is knocking him out like a light. According to my mom that’s just what morphine seems to do. Currently this has left me wondering WHY people get addicted to this stuff if it seems to function more as a sleep aid than anything else.

Despite the fact that he was gaining more pain I was hopeful that he was getting better. As the chemo started to leave his body he gained more and more of his appetite back. He was as sharp as ever and I was hoping that maybe he would be able to beat this and start walking again soon. Once he regained some of his energy of course. With nurses helping him it should be a quick recovery.

As for how hospice was a bane: They sent a bishop out to try to comfort dad if he needed advice for passing on. Then we were dragged into another room and told that we should probably start making funeral arrangements now (while good advice jeez >.<). Another time a nurse gave us a pamphlet describing the stages of death a loved one goes through before finally passing on (the damn sinking ship on the front does NOT ease me at all).

Dad seems to be rather nervous. He doesn’t like it when we leave him alone for long and has cried a few times. Yesterday was the first time I ever saw him cry. I left before he knew that I saw, I didn’t want him to feel worst.

Today is when things really got worst and now I am very worried. We had been looking forward to today. Because it is my birthday it was a big event for me as well as my father. I wanted him to be happy today and to enjoy it. He didn’t think he would live through Christmas so getting to my birthday was a big achievement. When one of the nurses woke him up today he was tired, this wasn’t anything new so we let him sleep so that he would heal more. Later on at about three he woke up disoriented. He’s been unable to talk to us and seems to be in a constant panic. He moves about restlessly, gasps for air as if he ran a marathon and talks very little to not at all. Most of the conversation has been a single word from him maybe every 20 minutes. He seems conscious of everything that is going on around him but we have no idea what to do with him. We don’t know if he’s in pain, we cannot get him to eat and he cannot tell us what he wants or needs at this moment.

Currently we have called a nurse out and we are hoping that another one will appear soon to watch him though the night. :/ I don’t know what to do for him right now however.

We did try to include him in on the birthday still. We showed him the cake my grandma made (it was a devil’s food cake with chocolate frosting and little flowers around it. Grandma put 23 on it even though I am 24. I’m not going to correct her right now, I don’t want her to feel bad after all the work she did on it. I’ll wait until she forgot what she put on the cake before I start reminding her how old I am. Besides, why would I complain about being younger? )

She also got me a rather long red shirt that can function as a dress. I may use it as such. I showed it to dad I have no idea what he thinks of it.

I am hoping that tomorrow he starts to do better. If anyone has any advice I am open to hear it.

Yep Susan Kelly, the costume design teacher was run over Tuesday at 4:00Pm in the frikken parking garage. O.o Who drives as fast as they can in a parking garage anyways? The driver can't blame it on weather or anything, they were indoors for crying out loud.

I never suspected that place to be a dangerous part of campus.

But anyways, she is alive but in the hospital with compound fractures. Today she should be getting some surgery done. Most likely she will be out for the rest of the semester.

(Scariest part is that this makes her the 3rd theater person to be in the receiving end of an automobile accident in the past 2 weeks O.o )

I am going to have to see what I can do about getting several of the theatre students together and making a large "get well soon" card for her. So for everyone in theatre who sees this or has taken a class with her feel free to contact me and contribute to this card.

http://campus.murraystate.edu/academic/faculty/kevin.binfield/RubensAllegoryOutbreakWar.jpg

We went over this in class and I think that it’s fully applicable for the times, more so that we might like to believe.
It’s from Rubens from the baroque era if you are wondering. It was created as a protest to the 10-year war. Rubens actually wrote his own summary of his picture.

It features Mars, the god of war, storming off into battle. Even the goddess Venus with her caresses and pleas cannot stop his rampage showing how war shirks off peace. Opposite of Venus pulling on mars and leading him into battle is a valkyrie. The Valkyrie is holding up a torch showing the destruction and violence. On the ground by Mar’s feet are people being trampled by war. One being a girl with a broken lute showing how war destroys are and music. Directly beside her is a woman clutching a baby showing how war has so sympathy and no place for family and love. Below the mother is another man being destroyed and killed by the war. Directly under Mar’s foot is a book showing how war destroys both intellect and reason. On the far side is a noble woman with all her jewels torn from her with her arms thrown up in sorrow. She is England herself as she was being ravaged by a long drawn out war.

I don’t think I need to point out too many similarities with this ancient picture and today.

>.< And I am disappointed in the government again. Sometimes I wonder where this country is heading.


First for new developments that I don’t like.
(from the batt September 29, 2006)
Senate OKs Detainee interrogation bill
WASHINGTON (AP)
The senate on Thursday endorsed President Bush’s plans to prosecute and interrogate terror suspects, all but sealing congressional approval for legislation that Republicans intend to use on the campaign trail to assert their toughness on terrorism. The 65-34 vote means the mill could reach the president’s desk by week’s end. The House passed nearly identical legislation on Wednesday.

This compounded by the fact that Bush intends to interpret the Geneva Convention with what he finds to be cruel. Unusual or outrages upon human dignities you just know that a lot of bad things are going to be endorsed by our government on these people.


I am not against terrorist being interrogated however I want them to have a trial AND to be assured that they won’t be tortured, maimed or forced to go mentally insane. I think we can find ways to get information out of them without resorting to barbaric methods. Furthermore, if we torture them they might get the idea that they can torture our people that they captured. Not to mention when you hear that another country is torturing your citizens then you aren’t’ as apt to like them, work with them or come to any sort of timely agreement. >.<
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(next from the batt same day ect)
House approves warrantless wiretap law.
WASHINGTON (AP) The house approved a bill Thursday that would grant legal status to president Bush’s warrantless wiretapping program with new restrictions. Republicans called it a test before the election of whether Democrats want to fight or coddle terrorists. “The Democrats’ irrational opposition to strong national security policies that help keep our nation secure should be great concern to American people,” Majority Leader John Boehner, R-Ohio, said in a statement after he bill passed 232-191.

Great >.<. Now, I am not against terrorists being wiretapped. However, if we know one of the parties is a terrorist we can get a warrant for them FAR in advance before the conversations we would want to hear happen. The main reason I am worried about this isn’t that I have stuff I talk about that I am worried they would hear. I could care less if they pay attention to my boring life. I am just worried we are going to have something similar to the FBI’s wonderful screw-up.

The FBI was given approval by Hoover to go after the KKK and try to destroy them. And to their credit they did a good job. However, after dismantling most of the KKK they went after other groups that had views that conflicted their own. (Martin Luther King) being one of the targets and this probably contributed a lot to his murder.

While keeping track of the terrorists is good and very applaudable and the end mostly justifies the means, the LAST thing I want is for them to have another power trip and start harassing groups like GLBT because Bush just doesn’t like their position on things. I want something VERY carefully watching over these people to make SURE that history doesn’t repeat itself. I know there’s restrictions, however, I want an separate organization looking over their shoulder to make sure that they stay within their bounds. Sadly, I don’t think that this is going to happen.

Well, the world proves yet again to be made up of squeamish idiots. A Dallas art teacher was fired for taking students to a museum when one of them happened upon an artistic nude. For this, for taking them to a MUSEUM, with several priceless and beautiful artworks the teacher was fired?! Heaven help us, it’s not like the David wasn’t nude or anything. It’s not like the child never takes a bath and notices that he is indeed nude when he does so.
You know what I think the problem is? The Dallas school board, this parent and several other people don’t seem to understand some of the different aspects of museum art. There is a difference between NUDE and PORN! Nude just means that said figure happens to be wearing no clothing. If the subject isn’t aroused, isn’t in the act of coupling with another being and/or isn’t provocative then it isn’t porn. Simple as that. The human body is beautiful and you should be proud of it. After all, god made it for you; you weren’t born with a sweater! Furthermore, it’s ok for your children to see nudes, most of our great artworks happen to have naked people in them. It might help your children to be cultured.

Furthermore, if you are worried about your child knowing about sex and the body than it might be time for you to sit down with them and give them the whole birds and the bees speech. Trust your children to understand and deal with things that are a part of basic biology and life. Take the time and explain to them why some nudes are unacceptable and others appear in a museum. Stop being gutless drones that expects society to raise their children for them and actually take an active part in your child’s education. How do you expect your actions effected those children anyways? Now you convinced and entire group of children that the museum is some dirty institute where bad people put bits of artwork that will get them in trouble if they see it. Congratulations, the future is officially uncultured. I guess little Timmy will have to go back to that wonderful hip-hop and rap that will teach him so much more about culture and life.

Graaaah >.< Sometimes I hate people.

I went and got a new toy last weekend. It’s a Game boy advance Sp. I LOVE this little thing. It’s easily portable; it’s screen folds keeping it from being scratched and the screen lights up. I can actually SEE what I am playing for once. (I also love how big the screen is.) Because of this I have been going through and beating games I had before but never finished. I am almost done with Zelda and beat final fantasy 1.

My boyfriend has insured that I will be playing it even more. He has been buying me games for it. So now I have a new Castlevania game (circle of the moon) which plays a lot like super metroid meets RPG. Because of that I haven’t put the game down. @.@ It’s too much fun.